D&C 64:10: Required to Forgive All Men

It is one of the hardest sentences in scripture to receive when you have been genuinely wronged. “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” It sounds, on first reading, like the injured party is being handed the heavier obligation. Read the structure again, though. It is not saying what most people hear.

Two Different Jobs

The verse divides the labour: God reserves the right to judge, and you are required to release. Those are not the same act, and confusing them is why the commandment feels unbearable.

When you hear “forgive,” you probably hear something like declare this acceptable. If that were the assignment, the commandment would be monstrous — it would require you to certify that what was done to you was fine.

But that is God’s clause, not yours. He reserves judgement. Whether the person is held accountable, and how, and when, is explicitly retained. You are not being asked to render a verdict, waive a consequence, or decide anything about them at all.

You are being asked to stop being the one who carries it.

Why “All Men” Is in There

The universality is the part people argue with, and I understand why.

It does not say forgive those who have repented. It does not say forgive those who have asked. It does not say forgive those whose offence falls below a certain threshold. Those conditions are absent, and their absence is deliberate.

Here is why I think it has to be that way. If forgiveness were conditional on the offender’s behaviour, then your freedom would be conditional on the offender’s behaviour. The person who hurt you would retain control over whether you ever got free of it. They would hold the key indefinitely, and many of them will never use it.

The universal form takes the key out of their hands.

What Refusing Actually Costs

The second half of the verse continues: “he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.”

That language has been used badly. I do not read it as God being petty about compliance. I read it as a description of what unforgiveness does inside a person.

When you refuse to release something, you are attempting to collect a debt that has already been paid. Christ satisfied the demands of justice. Standing in front of that transaction saying no, I will be collecting this myself is not neutral. It poisons the collector.

I know that from the inside. I once spent night after night typing out everything a man had done to me. Every injustice, every insult, page after page. It felt powerful — like building a case. But I got more agitated, not less, and heaven felt further away every night I did it.

Forgiveness Is Not Trust

This needs saying plainly, because the confusion here keeps people in danger.

Releasing someone does not mean restoring access. It does not mean pretending they are safe. It does not mean giving them another opportunity to do it again. Forgiveness and trust are separate, and only one of them is commanded.

You can fully forgive a person you never speak to again. You can fully forgive someone while maintaining a legal boundary, a physical distance, or a permanent end to the relationship. Trust is rebuilt through changed behaviour over time, if it is rebuilt at all — and that is a decision, not a commandment.

Anyone who tells you that forgiveness requires you to re-enter an unsafe situation has misread this verse.

How to Do It When They Never Said Sorry

Most of the hardest cases are these. There was no apology, no acknowledgement, sometimes no awareness.

The mechanics do not change. Write what happened. Write what it cost you. Write what you came to believe about yourself because of it — that belief is usually the actual binding, more than the event. Then make the transfer explicitly: I give this to the Savior. I forgive myself. I forgive the person or organisation. I let this go. I will not pick this up again.

Write those across the page in red until the words underneath are covered. It will not be tidy. It is not supposed to be.

“Forgiveness is not emotional agreement. It is a spiritual transfer. It is moving ownership from your hands into Christ’s.”

What Happens After

I have watched this many times now, and the pattern is consistent enough that I will describe it.

The feeling does not usually come first. The decision comes first, then the writing, then — often days or weeks later — something loosens. People describe sleeping better before they describe feeling forgiving.

And the offender’s situation frequently becomes irrelevant in a way it was not before. Not because you have decided they were right, but because you are no longer standing at their door waiting for something they were never going to hand you.

That is the freedom the verse is pointing at. It is not for their benefit. The Rubber Band Ball walks through the full process, and the process page lays out the steps.

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